May 30th, 2005

some letters - games Tink loved to play

From: "shanlung9" <>
Date: Mon May 30, 2005 11:08 am
Subject: Re: What do words mean? NO. Was Aversive Conditioning shanlung9
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--- In, "Kimberly Knox" <knox@u...> wrote:
> Kim: I'm not sure what an aversive is anymore. In some households
> would be a Nerf gun. In others it would be a towel.......and in
> households, a Nerf gun is either ignored or a start to an amazingly
> game.

The problem with words is that words are loaded with emotional
baggage especially so when we titled them 'Aversive Conditioning', as
if we are using electric prods or tremendous pain inducing devices to
force them to our bidding.

I never thought I was ever doing 'aversive conditioning' , but it
does seem to me that by waving a water blaster at Tink, I was guilty
of nefarious acts.

While we argue about it among ourselves, perhaps it helps to consider
it from the angle of the recipient. Tink had respect for what that
blaster represent , but absolutely no fear to the extent that she
induceed 'games' with me on that gun.

Should I be watching the TV and see her from corner of my eyes she
landed on my shirts on the cloth rack and biting off the buttons and
said NO, she continued chomping them off.

When I turned my head to eye her and said NO, she turned her head at
me, bobbed her head, and continued to chew off the buttons.

When I reach out for the blaster, and say NO, she was reminded of her
transgression and she would fly away.

Then there were times when she wanted games with me. She might by on
my cloth rack chewing off buttons or other acts she knew were not
acceptable. She would be saying " I am a bad girl, I am a bad girl"
to deliberately attract attention while ignoring my shouts of NO.
She knew the blaster must be aimed before it could be fired. Then as
soon as it was aimed and before it was triggered, she flew off very
fast weaving her flight path in a zig zag , always
out of the line of fire towards me and land herself on the barrel of
the blaster to bob and bob at me. She then would walk up the barrel
to my hand to scream or land on my shoulder to nibble my ear. It
started with me slowly bring the blaster around. Then I thought to
bring it on her quickly to be surprised that her evasive actions
became that much more rapid. I took to firing but never got her as
she flew under and to the side before landing on the barrel.

I cannot think the blaster was as 'adversive' as many made up their
mind to be. Especially as after that, she would fly back to where
she knew she was not wanted to scream " bad bad girl! What do you
think you are doing!" in the voice of my wife and to deliberately do
bad bad things ignoring my NOs until I raised the gun so she could
show off again her rapid evasive flying back to me.

Those were games she often initiated weaving those games around an
object termed as 'adversive conditioner'. Perhaps I might hit her
if I prefire in an arc, but I never did that as I thought that would
be unfair on my part. I have learned 'unfairness' to her always had
brought swift chastisement to me from her. In her way, she did more
adversive conditioning on me then I had done on her.

I just had to comply with her. She wanted games on her terms and who
was I to deny what was an enjoyable game to her even when that was so
wierd when it started. Her rapid evasive flights were a joy to be in,
and might be important for her should she needed that in ernest.

She obviously did not view that 'adversive' object with any aversion
the way she incorporated that into regular games with me.

Just like the way that at times she would pick up the harness to fly
that to me when I was late in taking her out of the apartment, her
harness was hardly a source of aversion either. But a key she
recognised that brought her to the outside.

Warmest regards